Grief

I lost a friend some months ago. No he didn’t die, neither did he cut me off😂. Even I don’t know the full details but what I know is that he’s gone. I don’t know where to or how come but at least he said goodbye even if I didn’t have the chance to say it back.

When people talk about grief, I never understood it. The weight, the sorrow, the sting. I don’t even know whether to call it grief because it’s more complex than I can explain but one thing I know is the pain lingers yet comes and goes. Very paradoxical. I don’t get it, I wish i could tell him all the things I’ve been up to. He’d just sit still and listen to me fill his ears with irrelevant stuff😂. This is me writing a letter that’ll never be delivered to him, maybe it’ll help

Hi, how are you?

It’s been a while since we spoke. Life just happens and time goes by but it’s okay, I guess it’s all part of growing up. I’m writing this because today, the reality that you are gone weighs heavier than it usually would. It feels like an actual weight on my shoulders and a lump in my throat

The way you left keeps me in denial. “Maybe he’ll come back, maybe we’ll see Again, maybe it’s for the best, maybe he’s doing okay”

And you know I hate uncertainty, the way I’m neither here nor there.

It’s been months but moving on has been quite difficult

One moment I think I’m making progress, the next I’m back to square 1. Feels like I’m starting all over again or maybe going in circles.

I see you in everything, even the littlest. Just yesterday I went to get shawarma and it wasn’t the best and it made me think of you. Our shawarma dates and shopping escapades😂

At the same time, despite all of this, I know you want me to be happy. You always tried to make me comfortable despite all you had going on. Thank you for the memories and all the fun times. Thank you for star gazing, for silent evenings, for the new experiences. I’m grateful for you even though seeing you leave was one of the toughest experiences I’ve had to go through. Thank you for helping see life through a different lens, thank you for traveling with me and for making me smile. I miss you today more than I normally would. I’m sad I lost you but I know I’ll be okay.

My heart goes out to you if you’ve ever lost someone (either through death, a breakup or maybe even distance) and grief has become a staple in your life. Nothing physical can comfort you and no one can answer your questions. It won’t get easier but you’ll get stronger. The void will be filled and your days will be brighter

Anywayyyyyy, thanks for reading. Hope to see you in my next one. Ttyl❤️